Love, Mommy

Letters, thoughts and musings for my girls

Girl’s Weekend

Dear Caitlin,

Your daddy was out of town last weekend and I had you all to myself.  I was eager to plan some fun things to do with you, spend some quality time and I think we had a pretty good time!

Saturday morning started out slow and lazy.  We watched a little TV, had some breakfast, read some books.  You ‘helped’ me put on my makeup and used one of my makeup brushes as your magic wand.  Afterwards, we headed over for our first trip to the library.  You absolutely love books, but I was a little worried about a toddler in the library….running, screaming, etc. and I quite honestly have limited energy to chase you these days.  But you loved it!  In fact, my plan had been to spend about an hour there, then head off to a park somewhere to let you run off some energy, but you refused to leave and we stayed well into lunch time. 


We brought home five ‘new’ books for your enjoyment.  We came home, had some breakfast tacos for lunch, then cuddled for awhile (since you refused to nap).  We went to try a new frozen custard place, where you insisted on using your fingers since it was so thick. 


We spent the rest of the afternoon playing outside on the swings, slide, playing soccer.  And, lastly, pulled out the fingerpaints and let you make your own creation.  Clean up is always fun too….a good hose down in the backyard. 


The day was rounded out with some pizza and Tangled, a new favorite of yours.

I know that the specific activities of last weekend will fade over time.  I also know, though, that the feelings of joy that I felt as your mother that weekend will not.  I revel in the times where we can take our time, enjoy each other’s company, and not worry about a single thing except having fun.  No rush to get out the door, get dressed, get in the bathtub….and you are so much happier when you have a little control over your daily activities (just like your mommy!).  Anyway, I had a wonderful time with you last weekend and look forward to making so many more memories as you grow.




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Hello Baby

Dear N,

As I sit here at nearly 31 weeks along, I can feel you punching and rolling and squirming inside of me.  It is different this time than it was with your sister.  With Caitlin, I had no idea what was coming my way and thus no idea how to properly prepare for it.  With you soon to make your arrival, I feel much more prepared and incredibly joyous.  For this time, I know ahead of time what not to take for granted, what moments to treasure and those not worth rushing.  I know to take a deep breath and shake it out when your cries wake me and to know that this, too, shall pass.  Because the next day, you will honor me with a gummy grin, or a tightly held finger, or a first step.  Thanks to your sister, I know now the joy that is coming my way and cannot wait to meet you.  I might’ve shed a tiny private tear when your Nana offered to host a celebratory shower for you.  I didn’t do this because I wanted a shower, but because I’ve known from the very moment I found out about your existence how incredibly special you are.  And, admittedly, second pregnancies get a little neglected by others since they’re not quite as novel, but you, dear, are novel.  You are wonderful, unique and deserving of a celebration.

I cannot wait to meet you.




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My Daughters’ Mother

As a mother, the pressure to be all that our daughters need weighs heavily upon us.  Or, perhaps more accurately, the need to teach our daughters how to be a woman we admire is ever pressing.  Perhaps it is not that these expectations are set by our daughters, but by ourselves.

There are so many things that I want for my daughter.  And I have no doubt that, even without me, she would grow into a fantastic and amazing young woman.  Yet it is my responsibility to teach her what I can, show her how to overcome and succeed, smile through her tears, and learn to love.  How do I do that when the list is so long?

  1.  Strength.  I want my daughter to be strong, to know that she has the ability deep within her to overcome the most difficult of circumstances.  It is up to me to show her that anything is possible and that she does not have to be fearful when she stumbles.
  2. Ambition.  My daughter’s passions are her choice, but I want her to pursue them with ambition, with an understanding that she can reach her goals and for the stars.  While our interests may vary, I hope to show her this through a successful career of my own.
  3. Humor.  Sometimes life deals you bad cards.  Even in the worst of situations, sometimes with a little time, there can be humor, or something worth smiling about.  This is a difficult one for me to learn and perhaps a difficult one for me to teach, but I will endeavor to smile more, to laugh more, and to show my daughter the sharp wit that I hold so dear.
  4. Humility.  My daughter is awesome.  Period.  However, it is not awesome if the whole world knows it.  She is and will be amazing, but it is up to me to teach her how to be humble.  To be grateful for what we have and who we are, but to remember those that are less fortunate and to think outside of herself.
  5. Love.  She will develop the ability to love, I would hope, without any guidance from me.  I want her to know the love of a mother and a child and to be able to revel in that love, feel that love from deep within, because she had a mother that taught it to her.  I want it to be her default because she knows and felt nothing else.  I want to show her how to love a partner through the love that I have for her father.  That a marriage is a partnership with give and take, sacrifice and hard work, but that the pay off and reward is worth all that you put into it and more.  That love is respectful and kind, warm and passionate, constant and sustaining.
  6. Tolerance and Acceptance.  My daughter is and will be beautiful inside and out, regardless of perceived flaws by her or others.  There will always be something that she will not like about herself that will always be beautiful in its own way.  Without perceived flaw, she would not be who she becomes.  I want her to know that it is often this flaw that will set her apart, that will make her who she is, and that it is ok.  Additionally, that others will have these flaws as well.  That people will be different, that they come in all shapes, sizes, colors and backgrounds, but they are all beautiful in some way.  Difference is not wrong, it is necessary and right.  It is my job to teach this to her through acceptance of my own flaws, confidence and comfort in my own skin, and tolerance and love of others.

There is a never-ending list, it seems, of things that I feel my daughter needs to know.  In addition to these large life altering things, I want to be the mother that introduces her to some of the little things: the feel of wet grass on her feet when she runs through a sprinkler, the joy and awe she feels on Christmas morning, the way really good chocolate will melt on your tongue, the girly giddiness of her first pedicure, the fear and excitement when she slides behind the wheel of her first car, her first puppy love, the silly release in watching terrible movies while eating butter soaked popcorn.  And so, so many more.

The pressure to be this woman that I feel my daughter needs is daunting, but there is also joy.  Seeing her personality emerge, teaching her the important (and not so important) things in life is rewarding, and, dare I say it, often fun.  And, ultimately, there is nothing so important.


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